Back, by popular demand!

There is a natural phenomena that takes place in the mind of every single shopper (aside from yours truly) that steps inside a grocery store. Man, woman, child- old and young, no one (except me) is apparently exempt from this fate.
You step inside the supermarket- those smudged glass doors opening on the command of your delicate foot's pressure.
BAM! You're in.
Suddenly, you OWN the fucking supermarket. You've been here once before, you've walked these aisles, and doing such is as good as pissing a circle around the entire building. This is your domain. You own it. You want it. You need it. It's yours.
There are close to one hundred other shoppers throughout this conglomerate market. They do not exist in your world.
You will stop where you please. You will not heed the call of other shopper's to step aside. You want to stop in the middle of the lane, well damnit it's your right! This is your kingdom- the empire of your tummy. You will not be commanded.
My tiny voice is beside you. You are maneuvering a 3'x2' cart, I, having only a small basket, call out- "excuse me" in only a whimper.
You stand your guard. You're thinking... "the chunky tomato soup or the creamy?" You think more, you grew up on creamy, you love the creamy. But the animal inside you urges- you're a grown up Priscilla, buy the chunky! Live on the edge. You know the tikes won't eat it, it will scare them like the dentist florid gurgle." You stand mute.
I repeat myself a touch louder, "um, pardon me."
You're thinking, "that bitch can wait, my kids are my life, I was born to serve them- they won't eat the chunky but I know my husband Ed wants to try new things- maybe this is the beginning."
I stammer, "UHEM. Mam? Excuse me? I'm trying..." I motion to the opposite side of the aisle, thinking in my mind- I'll show her I won't even be in her way, I just want to step aside. I look hopefully at the side of her head which has quickly turned away from me.
She does not move. Priscilla owns aisle 12 and there ain't no white bitch in San Jose's gonna tell her to scoot.
I notice she's got a box of Capri Sun drinks- she could bash me over the head with that shit and it's over.
I want to yell, I want to scream- "Now damnit I want some fucking ranch dressing you middle aged wench. Step aside and let me get the bottle. LET ME GET THE FUCKING BOTTLE."
I say nothing. I pause. I wait. I know she heard me. She's freezing me out. What the fuck?
But it's too late. I try to squeeze around the side of her cart. I lift my measly basket high in the air. I suck in. I'm trying to jam my size 8 ass past her enormous cart, I push up against the cart and it moves a 1/4 of an inch to the left. She stops. She turns to me and with eyes like Satan himself stares me down. I've touched her chariot. I have dared to move the vehicle of her empire. I stop wedging myself. I freeze. I look at the Capri Sun box. I look at Priscilla. She takes a breath and before she can let it out I pop past her cart and grab the ranch dressing.
Light? Sonofabitch. I want the regular dressing, but it's too late to turn back now. I'm running down the aisle in full throttle, that nasty lady has got half a mind to kick my ass.
Phew. I made it out of there. I'll have to dodge the tomato soup nazi the rest of my trip, but just like a gunner in Ho Chi Min City I can survive. I just need some chicken, that's in a long case- it should be quick in and out mission.
I walk briskly to the frozen meats. This is the Iceland of the market. My nipples get hard, my heart it beating hard, I clench my fist, rub my arms and prepare for battle.
Already I am defeated.
The senior center has brought a van load of the oldest and most decrepit of it's residence. They too need frozen meat. They each wield armored carts which have about as much a chance of me getting passed as I do getting the soup wench to give me a night with Ed.
I turn around dejected. There will be no chicken tonight. I just don't have the strength. My legs are weak from fear and the sprint from aisle 12. I hobble lamely to the register, I absent mindedly skip the Express Checkout. I will now wait in line for 21 minutes to buy my ranch dressing which I will squeeze onto pasta from a Mac & Cheese box and eat alone in my apartment.
Tomorrow I will get chicken and I will prevail.

(To be continued...)

August 26, 2007

It's hard to run away from the idea of something.

August 2007 half yearly review.

2007

I've learned you have to be careful what you wish for.

I've found that having patience will change your life.

I've learned you can't live anyone else's life for them; they're going to fuck up their own life and in someway you will fuck up yours, but in the end you will both learn. On your own, independently, they way God intended it.

I've learned that there will be hills and valleys of happiness, sometimes just instances. I've learned I'm lucky if I have anything and to shut the fuck up when I'm frustrated I don't have more. There's never enough.

I've learned what it means to have a genuine, honest relationship with one's family.

I've found that people you keep close to your heart will lie to you, to save themselves the embarrassment of having to tell the truth. I've learned this isn't about me. This is about them.

I've learned that as soon as you get settled, something will inspire you to sell it all and run away. This is never a good idea.

I've learned not to want anything too much. In the end, everything goes away.

I've been taught that two people can connect in a single endless night, in a way that some people can't even do in a relationship lasting years.

I've learned you have to let friends go, they're not gone, but they have to go- just like at one point, I did too.

I've learned life is way more expensive than what I would have agreed to upon signing the "you're a grown up now" manual and contract sheet.

I've learned I may need to lift my ban on sunscreen.

I've learned that if you buy a ridiculously expensive rug, your cat is going to puke on it no matter what. He/she does not have any concept of money or carpeting.

I've found that if you find your boss' kids on myspace, you should save on your personal computer those pics they posted of themselves half naked in Cabo. Those will come in handy.

I've learned that a wedding is as much about the people paying for it, as the one's in it.

I've found that if you buy a house, and that house has overhead fans controlled by remote- YOU SHOULD LEAVE THEM THERE WHEN YOU MOVE OUT! Why screw a sista over?

I've found that the best foreplay is intense and passionate conversation between two people that push each other to be better than the things they already know.

a single thought

When you can no longer contribute in making your life, or your existence better, I think many parts of youe begin to die.

I was looking at this picture of Afghanistan today (seen right) and it dawned on me that this image could have been taken yesterday, when it fact it was taken in 1933. I think that's a sign of societal deterioration, rather than the preservation of tradition.

But I could be wrong... it's happened before.

The day my brother was born. (true story)

Three weeks later her mother would die, but my mom didn't know that at the time.

She knew a couple of things: #1 she was going to give birth to her first child momentarily; #2 her husband had been checked into the hospital at the same time she was with a serious flu that led to dangerous dehydration.

She wasn't concerned about her husband. She was concerned about herself. There was nobody with her. No encouraging words, no support- so she lay in her hospital bed and let her self cry. She was going to do this alone.

The door opened.

Her father walked in and came to her side. She had not called him, no one had. He had driven from his home 2 hours away. He had called the hospital when he got to her house and she was not there.

All she could manage was, "what are you doing here?"

"I just knew you needed me."