To my oldest friend.

Hello old friend,

It's been so long since we've spoken, and while that is for the best I often wonder what you'd think of what's going on. How tickled you would be at the events of my life. You would laugh and we would joke and it would be like the big mental hug that friends who have known each other over 20 years can share.

I do miss you, but our friendship was at heartbreaking as it was happy. I wish that mental illness didn't hurt the people who love those who struggle with it so much. I see you fading in and out of your old self and watch defeneslessly as you, without control, forget and then catch glimpses of who you are. It's the most heart wrenching dance. You're the one of those stars that burns too brightly, as they say, and I'm like a moth; always having been fascinated with your humor and your intellect that ebb and flow from you now like displeased ocean.

I hope there is someplace safe inside yourself you can still go and not feel as scared as I know you are.
I will always miss you.