Foul Mood

So I'm in a foul mood and I can't snap out of it. I figure I should purge it. I tried this earlier in my perferred medium- out loud. And I shan't say more, but it didn't go well. It's not that I woke up foul, although I may have... It was more in the realm of getting started off into the day on the wrong foot with someone else and then just that general feeling of annoyance and irritation just overwhelms you and you can't let go of it.

Maybe it's just me, but there are days when literally ANYTHING and EVERYTHING a person does annoys me to the point where I literally cannot make eye contact with them- I'm just repelling agains every interaction. And once it starts building up, it's like a locomotive and I can't get off of being annoyed. I'm not saying violent or mean- I just mean annoyed. Like this person becomes the embodiment of everything that irritates me in the world and everything they say I want to argue with. And you've met me, you know I love nothing more than a good argument. It's like raw turn on of emotion and I dig it. But when I'm in the annoyance mode, there is nothing raw but my level of annoydom.

So today was not an exquisite day. It was a good day, but I was irked like I slept on my neck wrong and my back hurt all day. I just couldn't put the annoyance down. Like it was my heroin today. In turn, every interaction I had with everyone else was in bad company. Poor other moments, they had no idea it was coming and then- BAM! Hilary's Annoyance Energy just comes busting in and it feels like they're in a hold-up. The moment is just standing there as if it were slapped in the face by a stranger- thinking, "wtf just happened...?"






I've been avoiding writing for awhile. For a long while. For a longer while than I am willing to admit. To the point where I am embarrassed when people that know me ask about my writing because they know how important it's been to me in the past. And I'm getting fat and it's all connected in my mind. The last year was so bold and like a little metamorphisis and I haven't put almost any of it down on paper. I've just been digesting and I fear it has made my mind and gut bloated with realization- both sitting in a meadow peacefully-kind, and slap you in the face bitch style-kind. Realization nonetheless.

I feel balanced and yet displaced. It's an odd combination but I have somehow settled into it.